Everyone
Famine, famine everywhere. The animals were really skinny because they didn’t have food. They thought perhaps the gods were angry and were punishing them for their follies. The animal kingdom was in a state of chaos, with all the animals questioning each other for answers. (Also during this time the Tortoise’s shell was smooth.)
“What have we done to deserve this?” asked the Lion.
“Yes! What have we done?” asked the Elephant. “That is the question.”
“What haven’t we done is more like it,” answered the Cougar.
Although the animals were starving, the birds looked fresh and well fed. In spite of the fact that they needed to eat more than other animals, in proportion to their body weight, they did not seem to have suffered at all. Indeed, some of them, especially the male birds, seemed to have gained weight and their plumage seemed to have taken on a totally new ravishing color. Even the Tortoise’s neighbor, the Crow, had more baby crows. Some animals thought, “Perhaps the birds look so healthy because we are looking so pitiful ourselves that everything else looks good to us.” But the Tortoise did not accept that explanation. He had to find out why the Crow was flourishing when other animals did not even have enough to feed themselves.
“Hello there, Ebony, my friend,” said the Tortoise. The Tortoise called everyone by a pet name, especially when he wanted something from them.
“’Ebony’? ‘Your friend’? responded the Crow. “Since when?”
“Relax, my friend,” said the Tortoise. “I just wanted to compliment you on your new arrivals. How are the new baby crows?”
“Very well, thank you,” replied the Crow, “and the baby tortoises?”
“Haven’t you heard?” asked the Tortoise. “Most of my family has died because I don’t have any food. But not you, Ebony. Every time I see you, your plumage is something to behold, and I say to myself, ‘That’s a hardworking friend. But how can she sleep through the night feeding fat while her neighbors are losing their families to the famine? Doesn’t she feel any sense of guilt?’”
“I did not bring about the famine, so why should I feel guilty?” the Crow defended herself.
But not to lose a moment, the Tortoise continued. “Even the Lion who shares all he has with everyone has to beg for food too. If that isn’t the end of the world, I don’t know what is.”
By this time the Crow was beginning to feel guilty, which is just about where the Tortoise wanted her. She took a second look at the Tortoise and noticed that his smooth shell had lost its luster due to poor diet. So she confessed to the Tortoise that there was a place out in the sky where the birds had discovered food.
“And you have been going there for food without you four-legged friends?” asked the Tortoise, in shock.
In order to make up for their mistakes, the Crow and the other birds decided to take the animals with them the next day, which was the feast of the New Yam Festival for the sky kingdom.
There was a problem, though. The animals couldn’t fly. So the birds came up with a plan: They donated some of their feathers to make wings for the animals. The Elephant, the Tiger, the Monkey, the Crocodile, the Pig and every animal in the kingdom now had a pair of wings and could fly.
“Pooooh!” trumpeted the Elephant after testing his wings. “I really can fly.”
“Watch out, Chip,” warned the Monkey to the Chipmunk. “He could trigger a tornado, and guess who would be the first to be blown away?”
“I know,” added the Ostrich. “And since I am the only bird that is close to him in size, I had to donate most of my feathers, and now I can’t even fly.”
“Cut is out fellows,” admonished the Lion. “This is a memorable day for all of us and we should not be teasing each other.”
“Moooo!” said the Cow. “I can fly too.”
“Oink! Oink!” said the Pig. “Me too.”
Roaar,” said the Tiger. “Me too.”
All the animals tested their wings and were now ready for the trip. As they were about to take off from the sky kingdom the Tortoise went in front of the group as if to lead the way.
“Do you know where we are going?” asked the Hippo. “Why don’t you let the Crow or one of the birds lead the group?”
“No, I am not leading us,” corrected the Tortoise. “I just have this great idea. As the Lion pointed out, this is a special day for us. So why don’t we take on special names?”
“Special names?” wondered the Crow.
“Yes, nicknames,” explained the Tortoise.
Neither the birds nor the animals saw anything wrong with that. Indeed, they thought it would be fun. So, they all agreed with the Tortoise’s suggestion and each took a nickname for the trip.
“I have always wanted to be a fireman, so I will be Fire Chief,” said the Lion.
“I will be Bogeyman,” said the Gorilla.
After all the birds and the animals had taken their names, the Tortoise said, “My name is Everyone.”
All the animals burst into laughter. “Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!” They laughed so hard their lungs began to hurt.
“’Everyone’? What kind of name is that?” asked the Hippo.
“Yes! Everyone!” said the Tortoise emphatically. “Just my nickname for the trip.”
Since it was only a nickname and none of the animals or the birds had any reason to suspect anything, they did not question the Tortoise further and set out on their trip to the sky kingdom full of anticipation. As they flew higher, and higher, they could smell delicious food. Something they had not experienced on earth for such a long time.
When they got to the sky kingdom, they found it more beautiful than the birds had described. The gardens were filled with food. There was greenery everywhere and the kingdom seemed to be overflowing with life. Their hosts were especially friendly and gave them the royal treatment. The animals were dumbfounded.
“How can there be two worlds?” the Tortoise wondered. “Here they have so much food. But down on earth, we have no food and die of hunger. If only I could stay here, I could live forever.”
“Does this place always look like this or did you set up all this to impress us?” he asked on of the ushers.
“Yes, this is the way it is all the time,” answered the usher.
As the Tortoise salivated and thought about the prospects of taking up residence in the sky kingdom, he found himself sitting in a majestic place with the birds and the rest of the animals. His mouth watered, as he smelled the food being set out for them. Food filled every inch of the table. Then four pages carried the Sky King in on his carriage to address the guests.
“Welcome, everyone, to our small and humble place,” said the King.
“If that is not the understatement of the century,” the Tortoise thought, “I do not know what is,”
“Thank you for joining us in our New Yam Celebration. The tradition started . . .”
The Tortoise tried very hard to follow the King’s welcome address, but his concentration was continually broken by the smell of the most sumptuous food he had ever seen, and by the rattling of wine cups. Out of the corner of his eye, he could count all the different dishes that had been set up for them. The more the King spoke, the hungrier the Tortoise became. “Yuuummy! Those look so mm, mm good that I cannot wait to taste them,” he thought.
“In closing,” said the King, “Welcome to our kingdom.” Then he stood up and the servers told the guests to do the same. “Now,” said the King, “everyone is welcome to join us in our feast.”
The animals and the birds couldn’t wait to start eating. But the Tortoise moved ahead of him and spread his hands to restrain them. “Remember, I am ‘Everyone,’” he said. “It is me whom the King invited to feast with him. Wait your turn. Maybe he will invite you too.”
The animals and the birds sat back and watched the Tortoise gobble the food. Starting with the most delicious and tastiest of the dishes, he stuffed himself until he could hardly get up. When he had nowhere else to put food, he invited the rest to share the leftovers.
After dinner, the Sky King ordered the most delicious wines for the guests.
“Oh, the aroma of that wine,” said the Lion as he looked up to the ceiling and waved his head while sniffing loudly as if to savor the entire aroma.
“Drink wine on an empty stomach?” asked the Monkey. “That would really make your day.”
“I will settle for anything now—I am so hungry that I want to make it up with the wine.”
“That is, if he will let us get a taste of it,” the Crow added.
“Oh, he wouldn’t do that again, would he?”
“Everyone is welcome to drink with us,” said the King. “The wines are special. They were made from the fruits of my orchard. I am sure everyone will enjoy them.”
The animals and birds tried to grab their cups. But the Tortoise restrained them again. “Remember, I am ‘Everyone,’” he said. “The King is inviting me to drink with him.”
The Tortoise drank and drank the wines until he couldn’t drink anymore. Then, he asked the rest to join him.
The animals and the birds became even hungrier and angrier. The leftover foods and drinks only teased their tummies. Frustrated by the whole charade, the birds, led by the Crow, decided the joke had gone too far and demanded their wings back from the Tortoise. And one by one the birds plucked the feathers they had donated to the Tortoise for the trip.
Of course, at first the Tortoise didn’t mind losing the feathers. After all, he wanted to stay in the sky kingdom forever. But the Sky King told him they didn’t let anyone live with them. They welcomed everyone, but didn’t let them stay forever.
“How can I get back to earth?” the Tortoise thought. “Jump. Jump!”
But, the Tortoise needed to fall on something fluffy. So, he begged the animals to tell his wife to make a pile of leaves for him, but they refused. Finally, he begged the Crow.
“Ebony, good ol’ friend. You are not going to leave me behind, are you? Please tell Mrs. Tortoise to make a bed of leaves for me. So when I fall, I don’t hurt myself.”
The crow felt sorry for the Tortoise. But, at the same time, she wanted to pay him back for his greed. So she agreed to send the Tortoise’s message to Mrs. Tortoise.
“Hello, lady Tortoise! I have a message from your husband,” the Crow greeted.
“Where is he?” asked Mrs. Tortoise. “That ne’er-do-well. I bet he decided to live up there. He can stay there and see if I care.
“No, no. It is not what you think. He will come back when you do what he asks of you. He wants you to lay a bed of rocks on the market square for his landing,” the Crow lied.
“Why?” asked Mrs. Tortoise, “Didn’t he fly up there like everyone else? And why does he want a bed of rocks anyway”
“Yes, but he wanted to bring lots of food back to you. So, he took a bet with the Sky King that he could survive a fall on a bed of rocks. If he does, the Sky King will give him all the food he wants.”
The thought of food made Mrs. Tortoise’s mouth water so much that she didn’t think out the implications of the message and made the bed of rocks.
After the bed of rocks was made, the Crow graciously flew back to the sky kingdom to inform the Tortoise that his bed of leaves was ready for his landing.
The Tortoise bid farewell to his host and took a dive for earth. Without the fluffy leaves or anything else to break his fall, he fell like a ton of bricks onto the bed of rocks. What a crash he took! The crash was so loud it was heard throughout the animal kingdom, and all thought the Tortoise had died.
“He survived!” exclaimed the Crow, disappointed as the Tortoise wiggled his leg.
Although the Tortoise didn’t die, his shell was broken into several pieces. Mrs. Tortoise was very scared. She cried and begged the animals to help put the Tortoise together, but they refused. By this time all the animals had boycotted the Tortoise and the best craftsmen in the kingdom would not help him. Finally, Mrs. Tortoise was able to recruit the services of the Snail and the Crab. They could not use the best tools in the kingdom, though, on account of the boycott. So the Snail used his saliva for mortar while the Crab did the best he could to piece the Tortoise back together with her crooked claws.
This is why nowadays the Tortoise’s shell is a bunch of crooked patches—and rough at the joints, as if a committee of apprentice craftsmen had put them together.
Source: The Orphan Girl and Other Stories by Buchi Offodile